lets start a swedish sibling band together
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
