i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
