i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
