yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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