If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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