You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
