btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
