I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
worst night to have a conscience
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
