I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
