I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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