WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
