Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
