gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
