Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
