Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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