Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
