if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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