I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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