did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
