Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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