just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
