just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this boner is exhausting
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
