Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
