Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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