Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
