I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
