whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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