Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
