The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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