i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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