Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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