All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
