I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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