His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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