Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
