You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
