I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
