First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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