I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They have beer where we have blood.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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