Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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