I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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