I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
