his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
