don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
