remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
