I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
