If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
