and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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