Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize