Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
