Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
