I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
