Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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