we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
