a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're a waste of cheezeits
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
