Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
