Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
