Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
