I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
