I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
