My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
barbara walters just said penis...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
