BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
