like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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