And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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