You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
