I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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