i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
