I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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