you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think my moral compass just broke
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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