i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
