he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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