The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
