I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
