Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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