he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
