Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
