They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
