I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
