can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
