I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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