if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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