I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
