Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
