I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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