Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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