I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
